CRap! i screwed things up! instead of settling all the misunderstandings we are having, i guess i made it worse. i shouldnt have taken that opportunity to take a ride with him and go home alone instead. that way, life would be the same as what i have left in school, expecting good things to happen in the morning. everytime i'm with him, its like the words I wanted to say cant come out of my mouth. but when it does, it talks nonsense. hahaha why cant i forget about him even if i have someone else that loves me. does it mean i'm still stuck on the same spot i was in before? i cant afford to be this way, its my last year in claret and i have to make it as memorable as possible. then again, this struggle looks so futile. theres a lot of shoulda woulda coulda's that i cant keep myself away from. well, thats the only thing i'm good at i guess, regret....
i dont even think that i'm still productive. what good am i to you? am i even important? heh... such ridiculous questions. i have my family, my friends... i do, but would they really help me? there is doubt in each of its letters. surprising but its better to say it now before the time i cant handle it on my own and just burst.
**** before moving on, i'll call them in pseudo names. pillow - the person in SMA. Chocs - the other person hahaha ;P****
i'm so tired of pretending that i'm alright when pillow keeps on doing "lustful" stuffs on my watch. i cant put the right words sorry... we have no commitment to each other but then i've been overreacting with whatever he is doing. still, i cant stop myself from feeling bad.
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